Your Questions About: Side Effects Of Quitting Pot

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Carol asks…

How can I get over this?

About a week ago, my fiance and I broke up. Our relationship was pretty good except for a couple issues. One was my health problems (shoulder and hip surgery, along with an eight month span of my being in terrible pain), one is the fact that when he’s not happy with his job, he gets depressed about everything in his life and them blames it on me, and one is the fact that he lied to me and smoked weed.

We’re in the process right now of separating our stuff (The Great Divide, he calls it), and I see him tomorrow. We’ve been talking about stuff this past week, like when he plans on removing his money from the bank account and when he come over to get stuff, etc. There’s times that he calls me babe, through text and speaking, which is what he called me while we were dating and something he wouldn’t call a girl unless he was dating her. It makes me think he still wants to be with me. I know that he’s unhappy right now because of my health stuff and work, but my health issues are almost at an end and once he quits his job, as usual, he’ll be happy again for a bit.

One of the big issues for me is the weed use. My uncle is schizophrenic, which was brought on by drug use, and so I don’t want to do it (I usually get all side effects from what I take, including a lifelong bone disease). I also would prefer if my spouse didn’t do it ever either, because it can lead to really bad things, is really immature, and can just be a huge waste of time. When I’m older, I don’t want to be married to someone who goes out and smokes pot and plays video games all day with his friends when he’s 40.

When we started dating, I told him this. He said okay and said he wouldn’t smoke it anymore. When he proposed to me, I still thought that he stuck to his word. He didn’t. About four months into being engaged, he told me he lied to me about it. I asked why and he said “because I wanted it.” Before I met him, he did it several times a day, and this makes me think he’s addicted to it and is willing to lose his future wife because he ‘wanted it’. He basically chose it over me, knowing I didn’t want to be with someone who did that, and didn’t tell me until he was sure that I wouldn’t break up with him. He told me that even though I don’t like it, he wants to continue doing it once and a while because “everything is better when you smoke pot.” I eventually said once in a while was fine, even though I’ll always be super upset when he does, because I didn’t want to lose him over it. He broke up with me shortly after because he said he was unhappy.

Now I’m starting to think he might want to stay with me (and I really think he will once he leaves his current job). I’m not sure if I can, because I don’t want to be with someone who’s addicted to pot, no matter how intensely.

My question is: should I even bother trying to get back together with him? If he asks, is this a big enough problem that I should just say no? And how can I start getting over this and him? How do I get over feeling terrible about myself because my fiance chose pot over me?

Yeah, he didn’t tell me that he did until about a month into the relationship. I knew his brother did and said that I don’t want to date someone who smokes pot. I didn’t try to change him, he just wasn’t honest. He went to school a city away from me, and never did it or mentioned it in front of me, and the friends of his that I knew also did it behind my back because they knew it would upset me. Call me clueless if you want, but I wasn’t around him 24/7 when we were dating, so there was no way for me to know.

Secondly, I’ve been told by doctors to not smoke it because it could give me schizophrenia. And he doesn’t get psychodelic flashbacks, he has paranoid schizophrenia extremely bad, and has to live in a hospital because he get murderous and suicidal if he doesn’t take his medication. He has dementia now too. I obviously wouldn’t be worried about it if I wasn’t informed, being that I’m not an idiot.

Thirdly, when we broke up we discussed getting back together when we were ha
Thanks Avis B and truefirstedition. You guys are right, I need to move on to someone who’s more mature. You really made me feel better 🙂
It isn’t a lie. I never said it would, I said it could, and because I’m prone to it through genetics, I’m more likely to get it. The same is true for stress and trauma and several other things. Because of my health problems, my doctors suggested to stay away from things that COULD bring it on, because I’m already going through enough stress and trauma. With my health, I don’t take chances. And I’m not a liar.

I wasn’t clear about when he told me I guess. He told me a month in that he used to and that he wouldn’t ever again. I believed him because my past boyfriends have told me the same thing and stuck to it while we were dating.

Potter answers:

I would not even consider getting back together with this man until he’s completed some kind of program for his drug use. If he has an addiction, it will always come first in his life – you’ll be second at best.

Addiction truly is a disease and this is 100% about him. You should not feel like it reflects on you as a person – “If I were nicer/smarter/prettier/healthier/better he would have chosen me” is just utterly false. You could be an athlete/supermodel at the peak of health and he would still be an addict. So please don’t let this make you feel bad about yourself.

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